Never thought it before that I would go that far for love... or i should say the "world's definition" of love. There is always a forestory of everything... so is with mine... at the moment... i prefer not to tell everything at once... this blog was born from a determination that a new fresh start will bring everyone to their better life =)
I've just deleted my friendster account last 10th October 2007. I had a lot of friends there, and many acquaintances too. But i deleted it... to see that account made me hurt so bad... obsession turns people dull... i was obsessed with the urge to possess someone so badly... i did everything i could, said everything that's sweet, thought everything that's nice... but still... she remained still... our last conversation was about taking a break for sometime... to evaluate ourselves and to reflects everything... that is probably 2 weeks ago... upset... yes... but the moment i started to think clearly about everything... i do realize that she is probably not the very best person i will want to spend my life with... i think i was just worried that someday i might end up alone with no one to share... and that time she was there... i was attracted to invite her in... indeed i invite her in but maybe with a force... i didn't mean it but yes i did it... and after that... what i got was only a slow-healing hurt... it's so hurt that i hope it's never happened...
There is a book written by Joshua Harris, the title is: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"... it appears my conclusion that she is probably not the best person for me is confirmed... in this book, it's stated that it's worthless to pursue intimacy and romance with someone when we're not ready to get married... well i'm 21 years old now and at the final year of college... but still it will be maybe 7 years from now till i get married... at that time... i probably will regret that i tied my freedom to someone too early... maybe i could do many things in my life, achieving many goals, doing great things for my God, anything than focusing on nurturing the relationship... I realize that i was wrong... now... after read 5 chapters of that book... i really want to wait till He show me the best for me in the right time, His time =)
The road ahead will probably not as good as what we have right now... but it will lead us to a full contentment in Christ... Living His standard will be very hard... patience and obedience is needed... for He plans for happiness for all of us... My new start will start today, at the moment i write this blog... God, Jesus Christ, will walk beside me and guide me through this life ^_^
"For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off"
~ Proverb 23:18 ~
~ Proverb 23:18 ~
- Johannis Gilbert -
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